Ah, the humble earbud-style headphone; ever present audio accoutrement of the modern world. You see them everywhere and on everyone. That kid on the bus? Catching the game on his portable AM/FM radio. That guy in the suit? Listening to a seminar on his smartphone. The sweet old lady? Listening to hard core gangster rap on her MP3 player, cause we like to totally, like, blow away your preconceptions, maaan. Sure, they discreetly pipe sound from your devices to your ears, but that’s only the most obvious function of this omnipresent electronic.
In the study of Sociology, there is a term known as “function,” for which the opposite is “dysfunction.” The function of a family is to raise a child into a happy, healthy, well socialized adult. It doesn’t take a social scientist to figure out, though, that every family is also rife with dysfunctions; mom sings songs from musicals even though her voice is terrible and it drives you crazy, dad tries to fix everything himself so nothing in your house ever works, you dog’s an alcoholic divorcee, etc. Functions are broken down into manifest functions and latent functions, with manifest functions being beneficial things you expect, and latent functions being beneficial things you hadn’t planned for, but come with the package anyway. You could probably guess the manifest functions of the earbud headphone.
Manifest Functions of Earbuds
- Transmit sound from an audio device to your ears.
- Roll up for easy storage.
- Weigh less than standard headphones, allowing for extended wearing and additional comfort
But what about some of the latent functions? What about all those little perks that come with earbuds that didn’t necessarily go into the design itself?
Latent Functions of Earbuds
- Announces to the world: “Hello, world! I am successful enough to own an MP3 player.” Your waves of success will certainly ripple outwards, opening doors and garnering the company of attractive, desirable people.
- Creates what we call the “Headphone Forcefield.” If you’re in an elevator, you can completely avoid the awkward silence and smalltalk. If you’re lounging on campus, studying a book, you won’t be interrupted by some hacky sack kicking greaseball hitting on you. If you’re on the bus and a headcase that smells like model airplane glue is trying to find someone he can explain his theories on who’s really behind gravity to, headphones will spare you, or at least give you a good reason to pretend you don’t hear him.
- Keep your MP3 player or radio in an inside coat pocket and run the earphone cord through a long sleeve. Now, when you’re leaning your head on your hand, sitting through a boring lecture from a T.A. who doesn’t know what he’s talking about, you can secretly be holding an earbud in your ear and listening to whatever you like! So sneaky.
- Meet someone cute while listening to your freshly crafted playlist of certifiably cool music? Offer them one earbud and ask them what they think of the song for an instant conversation starter. Plus, if it works out between you crazy kids, you have a pretty adorable “how we met” story.
It’s always interesting to examine all the little associations and attachments that grow out of our interaction with electronics, but make sure you don’t fall into any earbud dysfunctions, like chewing on the cord, swinging the buds around, or talking louder to everybody else just cause the music you’re listening to is loud. No one else can hear it, buddy! Quit shouting at us!
