The following is a list of what we feel are ten compelling reasons that the NPD-702 Portable DVD Player with 7″ LCD Screen is superior to finding an orphaned infant abandoned on your doorstep.
- By current estimates, it costs nearly $200,000 to raise a child from birth to legal adulthood. Conversely, it costs less than $80 to bring a DVD playing bundle of joy into your life.
- Not only will inserting DVDs into an orphan child not result in several hours of movie enjoyment, it will result in you being hounded by Social Services.
- Babies don’t have USB inputs yet, and their speakers are automatically set to “scream loudly with no volume adjust.”
- The NPD-702 comes with a Full Function Remote Control. A baby comes with a fully functioning bowel system without even the remotest amount of control.
- The NPD-702 enjoys a 180 degree swivel screen design. If you repeatedly swivel a baby 180 degrees, well… The less said about that, the better. Babies are not for shaking.
- The DVD player has a slot for SD/MMC media storage, so you can enjoy a wide variety of videos and images, whereas all a baby can do is draw some lame picture that doesn’t even look like anything, if you’re lucky.
- You won’t have to grapple with the complex moral issues involved with lying to a baby about Santa Clause, The Tooth Fairy, or the Easter Bunny when you use the NPD-702. The NPD-702 only cares about showing you movies.
- The NPD-702 has a wide 7″ screen that can be set to Normal or Widescreen viewing modes. The closest thing an orphaned baby has to that is a face which, to be frankly honest, is kind of fat and weird looking.
- You can fold up the highly portable DVD player/LCD screen combo and toss it in a backpack, while there are entire industries built around different ways to lug around an infant. And before you ask, no, you can’t try folding up the baby, that’s a terrible idea and we can’t believe you were thinking it even though it’s not your kid.
- Everyone knows that babies left on doorstops always end up having some ridiculous destiny of ultimate good or evil, and that is just way more drama than anyone wants to sign up for. The NPD-702 is way more laid back, and is all about watching Top Gun in a hammock with some lemonade.
Now we don’t want to go around telling you what to do and what not to do, but those points all seem pretty irrefutable. So if you hear that baby crying on your doorstep someday, you’re totally welcome to open the door and start down that path. Or you could just turn up your DVD player until it becomes “not your problem.” Your call.
