JuJuDeals

By now, it should be fairly evident to all but the most die hard Luddites, anti-technologists, and clue-missers that MP3 players aren’t going anywhere. It seems like every week there’s another announcement about some high-tech new media device that can beam your friend’s opinion of his most recent hot dog eating excursion directly into your brain, use satellites to update your proximity to a 15 year old pop crooner’s favorite yoga gym in real time, or any number of other completely frivolous utilities and applications that no one in the history of the universe could have ever possibly asked for.

That’s not to say smartphones, reverse engineered alien music technology, and slowly transforming yourself into a media devouring cyborg aren’t pretty cool and all, but sometimes you just want a dang ol’ regular device that’ll hold a bunch of songs you like, play them without requiring you to post a witty review about the experience, and doesn’t require installment plans or a second mortgage.

That’s where the NX-119 MP3 Player comes in. It’s got everything you’d want in a device that’s supposed to, oh, I don’t know, play music? It has 2GB of space, which means you have lots of space to load up your favorite tunes. Even better, that space is provided by flash memory, which means the player can shake, bump, jostle, and jar without you worrying that the thing is gonna choke and fry itself. This player is user friendly and rechargeable, so you can be sure that maintenance will essentially be a non-issue.

Just because the NX-119 is streamlined and very wallet friendly doesn’t mean it has no features, though. It can receive and play FM radio, it shows track titles and band names for your music on its large screen, and lets you load up pictures, videos, or movies. You can even use it like a digital reminder, thanks to its built-in voice recorder and speaker.

So there you go. If you’re looking for a nice MP3 Player that won’t break the bank and comes with some cool features you’d actually want, you can’t do much better than the NX-119. It may not autonomously transmit your passing desire for cupcakes out into space for future generations of alien archaeologists to ponder, but something tells us you’ll probably overcome that heartbreak by the end of this sentence.

It’s not like we enjoy being the bearer of bad news, but the octopus is better than all of us. Sorry. It’s just a simple fact of life. Octopuses (yes that is the right terminology, look it up) have a lot of awesome qualities that put them ahead of the game. For instance:

• Number of arms: Advantage = octopus. They have four times as many as we have, so it stands to reason that they can do anything we can do eight times as fast. No we don’t have any science to back that up. Shush.
• Squishability: Advantage = octopus. An octopus can squeeze through openings of nearly any size. We have trouble squeezing into our “fat pants” after Thanksgiving dinner.
• Problem solving skills: Advantage = octopus. Octopuses are known for escaping secure cages, opening screw-top bottles, hiding, using tools, disguising themselves as other things, and more. We still haven’t solved the Rubik’s cube, and let’s be honest here, neither have you. No, taking it apart and rearranging it doesn’t count, and neither does peeling the stickers off and putting them back on.

We hate to break it to you, but if this were a job interview, you would have just lost to the octopus, hands down (all eight of ‘em). It beat you on number of arms, squishability, and problem solving skills; the three most important factors in any job interview. In the wake of the economic downturn and subsequent ever-presence of The Crunch, you can’t afford to be so vastly outclassed. We know what you’re thinking, now.

“JuJuDeals.com, whatever can we do to stop being so much suckier than the octopus?”

Simple. Emulate the octopus. It is a master of adaptation, so steal one from his book and adapt as well. It uses tools to increase its efficiency, and so should you. Take, for instance, this 8-in-1 combo accessory kit. Not only is it much handier and more efficient than going out and gathering each of those things independently and hoping they all work together, it also has an octopus-friendly number of attachments. It may not give you all the powers of the majestic octopus, but when you’re waiting for an interview in the lobby and you see an octopus with a necktie across from you, you’ll have the confidence of knowing you’re as prepared as you can be. You know his tricks, and you aren’t intimidated.

Octopuses are really good at the stare-down, though. Don’t let him get inside your head.

They say “silence is golden.” We don’t know just who “they” are, but they’re probably a total buzzkill. Everyone knows that silence is no match for music. Don’t believe us? Let’s break it down with some logic.

• Silence (S) is golden ($). [S = $]
• Music (M) is awesome (!). [M = !]
• Gold is used to purchase things (T) that are awesome. [$ x T = !]
• With awesome being the end goal, awesome is preferable to gold. [! > $]
• If [M = !], [S = $], and [! > $] are true, then by the transitive property of equality, music is much better than silence.

Thus, we bury an age old maxim. And what better way to commemorate its passing than with these slightly ominous looking portable MP3 player speakers, all the better to play Amazing Grace with at its funeral? Yeah, we admit they look a little bit like headstones, or maybe Stonehenge (wonder if we should have gone with an alien theme for today’s blog…), but don’t let that scare you. They’re (probably) not haunted, and ghostly sounds will only come out of them if you’re playing Halloween sound effects to spook trick-or-treaters.

The cool thing about them is that you can use them as your desktop computer speakers, as portable MP3 speakers, a way to boost your laptop’s sound-blasting abilities, or even for a portable DVD player. Everywhere you take them, they will herald the death of boredom and the doom of silence. Death is just a part of the cycle of life, though, and there is no death without rebirth. From the ashes of silence and boredom will spring the phoenix entertainment, enjoyment, and good times.

So don’t feel bad. Bring your portable speakers and play some rowdy Irish drinking music at silence’s wake. Have a good time. Share the fun memories. It’s what silence would have wanted.

When it comes to giving gifts, are you sort of a dope? Think back to the last gift you gave. Could have been for someone’s birthday, an anniversary, Christmas, Hannukah, a going away party, or any other special day. It doesn’t matter. How well did it go over? If you couldn’t tell, or your memory’s too hazy to remember, we’re gonna help break it down for you. Here are a few ways to tell whether your gift left the recipient a little green around the gills

• You got your 10 year old cousin the weed trimmer you wanted, then asked to borrow it
• You got your mom more pots so you have something to take her cooking to your house in
• You gave your grandmother with the chronic back problem the free partner membership you got for joining a kickboxing gym
• You got the neighbor kid a discount party clown that took his break in the middle of the birthday song, and all the kids had to stand around watching him smoke for twenty minutes while he yelled on his cell phone about his backed up toilet

The astute reader may notice that all these nuggets of bad gift giving stem from one central problem: not being thoughtful. A bad gift is one that doesn’t make a memory. It’s bland, forgettable, unexciting, or not suited to the tastes of person, and will be gone from their mind like vapor the second they open the next present. Gift cards often (but not always) fall into this category. A really bad gift is one that you are surreptitiously giving to yourself, or that factors your benefit as much as or more than the recipient. Like giving your significant other a vacuum cleaner, house paint, or a pipe that oddly enough matches the one you’ve wanted replaced under the sink for the last month. Gifts shouldn’t be reminders of cutting grass under the blazing sun.

So how do you give your love, your coworker, or your best bud a piece of how much you value them? Simple. Know them. Give it some forethought. If you aren’t sure, act like a secret agent and case the joint. Pay attention to what their interests are, look at the kind of papers they read and shows they watch. Ask their friends. Here’s an example of a gift that on its own is certainly fun, but with a little bit of planning, will elevate itself high up on the gift stash.

1. Step one: Purchase Video/MP3 player.
2. Step two: Find out what albums, artists, and songs your target likes, and pre-load a few onto the player.
3. Step three: Find out what the target’s hobbies are. Do they like cooking? Put a few interesting looking recipe videos on the player. Do they like skateboarding? Load up some how to videos for tricks. Are they learning to play guitar? Download an instructional video for their favorite song.
4. Step four: Load a few of the recipient’s favorite TV shows or movies onto the device.
5. Step five: Use the built in microphone on the player to record a personal message from you and everyone else at the party.
6. Step six: Roll it all up in some gift wrap or in a decorative gift bag with colorful tissue paper and present it.

Now that is a cherry of a gift that will stay clipped to their brain for a good long while, and keep you out of the sticky situation of “giving the lamest gift at the party.” Plus, there’s a hidden upside to good gift giving: people remember it when it’s time to return the favor. We would of course never endorse such a hairy attitude about the altruistic act of giving a present. But, you know, in the interest of full disclosure… yeah, we totally would.