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What’s that? You just got a new wall-mountable CD/MP3 stereo micro-system? Well, you’re obviously going to want to put that thing through its paces, and the best way to do that is with a party. Who knows, maybe you have a birthday coming up. Even if you don’t, Memorial Day is right around the corner. However, before you invite your friends, make a party playlist, and pour the remnants of all your junk food bags into a bowl and call it “snack mix,” you should absorb a little knowledge here. Parties, especially birthday and holiday parties, tend to be comprised of equal parts Friends, Music, and Adult Beverages. As soon as at least two of those things approach critical mass, the only possible outcome is dancing. Dancing is a lot of fun. It is good exercise and a great way to blow off steam. Dancing can also be an awkward and torturous experience for others when someone is getting just a wee bit too loose for their own good. Compare this checklist of bad dance etiquette to yourself and your friends, so you have some warning. Forewarned is forearmed, and nailing this stuff ahead of time can give you the opportunity to change your un-suave ways, to fiddle with the guest list, or to have an intervention with the friend that seems to think taking their pants off and whirling them overhead like a lasso is an actual dance move that should be executed at every opportunity, whichever the case may be. To start things off, we’ll continue with the dancer we just mentioned:

• The Clothing Remover. This is the person, and we’re not pointing fingers (cause we don’t need to, everyone is already going to notice that you have no clothes on), who can’t get farther than three songs or two drinks in before removing an article of clothing.  Sometimes it’s a shirt, sometimes its pants, eventually it’s both. Coincidentally, this is the person who will usually be wearing some manner of non-clothing item before the night is through, such as a lampshade or a beach towel tied like a superhero cape. At some point in their life, most people don the mantle of The Clothing Remover for a party or two. Some people just never got used to clothes, and do it every chance they get. Some eventually evolve into The Mischievous Instigator, extending their free-and-easy beliefs to everyone else at the party, sowing seeds of clothes evaporation among the masses. There’s a time and a place, folks. If you’re throwing a party, make sure you know who the Clothing Removers and Mischievous Instigators are, so you can plan accordingly.
• The Close Dancer. Everyone has danced with The Close Dancer at some time. They haven’t had a choice. The Close Dancer understands personal space about as well as puppies understand the intricacies of quantum thermodynamics, which is to say they are largely unaware such a thing even exists. The Close Dancer is fairly harmless, if a little awkward, but be warned. With continued application of Adult Beverages, The Close Dancer has a high chance of evolving into The Freak Dancer.
• The Freak Dancer. Like The Close Dancer, they’re shaking it inside your personal bubble. Unlike The Close Dancer, they’re probably bumping, grinding, and generally letting their freak flag fly. Depending on the makeup of the party, a little Dirty Dancing may be in order. Patrick Swayze would certainly think so. If you’re at your elderly aunt’s third wedding or your nephew’s bar mitzvah, however, maybe it’s not the best time to engage in the following activities: dropping it like it’s hot, backing that thing up, making it clap, getting freak-nasty, or anything else that makes it look like you and your dance partner somehow got your zippers stuck together.
• The Buoy. This one isn’t really offensive to anybody. It’s just sort of embarrassing to the dancer. We almost went with calling this one “The Old-Timey Cartoon,” as the dancer isn’t really dancing so much as bobbing up and down in place like a Betty Boop character. If you can compare your dancing to a small child who has to pee, but doesn’t want to, we’re afraid we have to tell you that you are a Buoy. Still, there are worse fates. You can even fix this one pretty easily. Just loosen those legs, amigo! Get your shoulders into it! Wiggle your hips! Dancing is about moving your body to the music, so unless you listen to nothing but Bavarian Oompah music, bobbing isn’t gonna cut it. Loosen up!
• The Wiggler. Some people just don’t have much sense of rhythm. The Wiggler is one of those people. They just can’t seem to move their body to the beat of the music, let alone get the individual limbs to coordinate with each other. An example of this dancer can be seen pretty much any time you get a little kid to dance to music. Not knowing too much about dancing beyond “arrhythmically shake your body while listening to music,” children simply hop and wiggle as though they were playing three simultaneous games of Hokey Pokey. If you dance like this, it is possible to change your ways, but honestly, we’re not gonna tell you to. You may dance look a goober, but everyone notices and appreciates your childlike enthusiasm for getting out on the dance floor and really working it out. More power to you.

So there you have it. There’re people that can dance, and there’re the people listed above. Good luck getting them all to play nice. Oh, and if you something up there hit a little too close for comfort, you got no one to blame but yourself, buddy. Or crack (or was it quack?) team of doctors prescribes that you watch some dance instruction on Youtube and practice in front of a full length mirror. You may never beat Michael Jackson in a fancy footwork competition, but at least it won’t look like Moses parting the Red Sea around you on the dance floor.

April, with all its bluster and rain, is (hopefully) behind us. That means we’re firmly in the velvet grip of May, and that means it’s picnic weather. Picnics can serve many a different purpose. Bring some friends and it’s a kickback. Bring your guy or girl and it’s a romantic escape. Bring your kids and it’s just about the most carefree time you can have. Heck, you can even find a nice spot and go on one alone to recharge your batteries and center yourself.

So what should you bring along to maximize your enjoyment? Well, first things first, you must have a basket. This is non-negotiable. If the basket is not present, you are not having a picnic. You are just eating on the ground; some might say like an animal or an uncouth savage. Not us, of course. We make no judgments here at JuJuDeals.com. We love all people. Just keep in mind that everyone but us will probably look at you with utter disdain should you attempt to picnic without a basket.

Next, you’ll need a blanket. For maximum picnic effect, we recommend a red-and-white-plaid pattern. Studies show that a red and white picnic blanket repels ants and flies from your food (except not really). Lay your blanket out, put your basket in the middle, and unfurl the delectable goods. We recommend several of your favorite sandwich varieties, mac & cheese or macaroni salad, chips or pretzels, and a small salad. Soup can be brought in a thermos. Muffins make and cookies are fantastic, portable sweet-tooth satisfiers, and a bottle of lemonade is pretty much the ideal picnic beverage. Napkins, utensils, and dishes are of course indispensable.

The last of the all purpose items you’ll want to bring is some manner of music playing device. With the added benefit of playing DVDs should you want to relax under the blue sky while your food settles, the NX-252 Portable DVD with 7″ LCD Screen makes for an ideal option. You can play music while you eat and hang out, and while you’re relaxing you can pop in your favorite movie.

If you’re going out with friends, bring some chill-out tunes, a few of your gang’s favorite comedies, and some sports equipment. Even if you and your buddies aren’t jocks, there’s infinite fun to be had making up a game with whatever gear you bring. “Okay, we have 4 tennis rackets, 6 croquet wickets, 2 golf balls, and a lacrosse stick. Let the kingly game of OmegaSport begin!”

If *you’re going with the object of your affection, bring some sweet, mellow music that brings back memories or will sound good as the soundtrack for some new ones. Play your significant other’s favorite romantic movie. Pop some champaign to sip as the sun goes down, and don’t forget a camera to take some pictures that will remind you of why you’re together when you’re arguing about garbage removal and dog walking duties.

If you’re bringing sons, daughters, nieces, nephews, godchildren, or neighbor kids, have them bring some music they like, because it’s highly unlikely (or should be, anyway) that you own a Jonas Brothers or High School Musical album. Ask them beforehand what movie or show they’d like to take along, which will hopefully cut down on later cries of “But I didn’t want thaaat movie!” Snag a football, a frisbee, a soccerball, a kite, and all the other stuff you wish your parents would have taken with you on picnics. If its a beach picnic, make sure to carry a bag full of sandcastle building supplies, unless you’re the most heartless jerk on the planet.

*Guy only note: Bring a sweater and a jacket. Your girl is going to get cold, and you will be expected to give her your jacket. That’s why you’re also wearing the sweater, see? Plan ahead.

Which obviously stands for “Thank God It’s Finally Friday!” Wait, what did you think that second F was for? Never mind, it’s not important, cause it’s FRIDAY, and we don’t have to care about anything, including whatever you were about to say. This brings us to an important topic that we do care about, though, and so should you.

Summer jamz. Note the “z” at the end of the word “jam.” This differentiates it from any delicious fruit preserves you may also be jarring this summer, and regardless of whether Mother Nature has gotten the memo yet or not, we’re in spring. That means summer is right around the corner, replete with all of the jams and jamz you look forward to.

Now is the perfect time to start test driving your summer playlist. Pick out the tracks that put the amber liquid of beach sunsets into your days and the mischief-breeding heat of still-warm concrete into your nights. After all the stress of the last year, we’re calling it now: 2010 is going to be a Party Summer. So start getting your musical affairs in order, cause you don’t want to be the one still trying to get a good time started on Backstreet Boys and the Spice Girls.

Unfortunately, we can’t really do the legwork for you as regards picking your music. We don’t really know what you like, see. It varies quite a bit depending on age, area, tastes, etc. We can tell you that we’ve been enjoying the new stuff from Gorillaz and Sleigh Bells, and Best Coast, but perennial favorites AC/DC, Pink Floyd, and The Beatles will almost certainly be making the cut as well. Luckily, what we can do for you is point you in the direction of some hot gear to enjoy that music from. A good summer will need music available in the following manners:

• From your car- You’ll want a way to blast some cruising music as you drive down the boulevard (play Lowrider) or the scenic detour (play Free Bird) with the windows down. For a budget car audio overhaul, we recommend the NCA-671 stereo and the NX-768 speakers. If you have a little more scratch to plunk down, the NX-686 or NX-684 stereos and NX-769 speakers.
• On the go- An MP3 player like the NX-142 is great for when you want to sit on your roof or lay on the beach and watch the sun set.
• At a party- Summer is nothing if not filled with barbecues, tailgates, grill-outs, chili cookoffs, beach parties, house parties, block parties, and the like. You’ll need a way to bring music around with you and blast it at your friends and associates. The NPB-425 stereo fills that niche nicely, playing a ton of different formats and built to go with you wherever you go.
• At home- Lastly, you’ll want something for your living room, bedroom, garage, or wherever you spend most of your time. There are a couple ways you can do this. If you like listening to things on CD (be it regular audio CD or a burned MP3 CD), a wall mounted NX-430 stereo will do you up nice. If more often find yourself listening to your music via MP3 player, the NAS-3001 MP3 player dock and speakers is probably more your speed.

Alright, what music recommendations do you have for us to pump through these sound machines? Leave it in the comments, summer lovers!

Unless your answer is “the Batmobile,” “a time machine,” or perhaps ”a severed monkey paw that gives me magic powers,” we’re afraid we’re gonna have to inform you that it probably flat-out sucks compared to what we’re about to show you. Normally we don’t just go “HAY THAR! LOOKIT THIS HERE PRO-DUCT,” but we also don’t normally get to display an item that is like a pure distillation of gadget-lust. What is this gadget we’re referring to?

Why, nothing less than a Touchscreen In-Dash Stereo with TV Tuner, DVD Player, and about a million other features so cool you’d Charlie-horse your own grandma to get one. Let’s do a rundown of this little monster’s powers:

• Play AM/FM radio (with 30 slots to preset pretty much every station worth listening to, and even a few crappy ones left over)
• Play MP3s
• Play CDs (or pretty much anything you could burn onto a CD)
• Play DVDs
• Show TV
• Accept external MP3 players and other media through an AUX-IN jack
• Accept USB devices, SD cards, and MMC cards, which basically makes it a Transformer (the ultimate gadget)
• Display ID3 tags for your music, so you can see who and what is playing
• Activated by completely awesome touchscreen (seriously, so awesome)
• We kid you not, this thing has the power of ESP. Granted, that stands for Electronic Skip Protection, but that’s sort of like the “seeing the future” version of ESP. We think.

Okay, we’re gonna stop ourselves there, cause we could probably wax romantic on this machine all day. Suffice to say, it does everything. Admit it, if you had the Batmobile, you’d put this in it. If you had a time machine, you’d go back in time to get this thing earlier. If you had a magical monkey paw, you’d wish for this thing. It’s just that cool.

Now, this probably won’t make a whole lot of sense to those of you who can’t remember a time before the internet, but for those of us who have a box full of 80s clothes that we actually bought in the 80s, one of the quickest ways to conjure up a nostalgic tear or two is to remember the long-lost art of the mix tape.

Monday you can fall apart / Tuesday, Wednesday, break my heart

The mix tape was the premiere way to woo the target of your desire, or to make sure an already wooed target stays in the throes of complete and utter woo. Now, if your early childhood memories are those of Pokemon, you’re probably thinking “But wait, how is this any different than a mix CD? Or building a streaming playlist and sending the object of my affections a link?”

Well there’s a big difference, buster! Mix CDs are cool and all, but it takes basically no effort to make one. Click your mouse button a couple dozen times and POOF! Mix CD. And a playlist? Come on. That’s like wanting to draw a beautiful portrait for your love, only to hand them a post-it note saying “If I had more energy, this would be a beautiful portrait.” It’s not always the thought that counts.

No, a mix tape required effort. You had to decide what songs to use, and in which order. What was the message of the tape? You had to be totally sure beforehand, cause there’s no reordering the track list after it’s on there. You had to sit there and hold play on one tape and record on the other. If you didn’t have a crucial song, you had to sit by the radio and start recording the second it came on. After all that, you had to decorate the package, give it a cover slip, maybe even write out the track list and lyrics with some cool little designs.

Thoughtfulness, patience, perseverance, effort, creativity; the mix tape showed you used them all, which brings us to the good news. KAPOW! You can still make one. The nice thing is, this portable stereo also plays audio and MP3 CDs, so you can sorta cheat and make a mix tape with half of the effort. We’re telling you, people, whether you were around for the rise and fall of the mix tape or not, there are many reasons why making one and giving it to someone you care about will still totally knock their socks off.

Not least of which will be the added mystery and appreciation your target experiences by having to actually find a way to play it. Searching always makes the reward sweeter, and hey… maybe you can invite them over to play it on your stereo?

Do you drive to work wondering why everyone on the radio sounds like they’re talking through a tin can? Do you find yourself unable to enjoy songs in the car that you would normally rock out to because the high notes make your ears bleed? Maybe it’s about time to adjust the settings on your audio equalizer, champ!

• First, set all options (bass, treble, etc.) to their neutral “zero” setting.
• If you can, pop in a CD of some music you already know well. This will give you a good basis for comparison when making adjustments.
• Make small adjustments, one option at a time. Slowly adjust your bass up or down to get it right where you’d like. Then follow with the treble and others.
• Play with the balance and fader in a similar fashion. Try listening with the sound pushed further left, right, forwards, or backwards. Having it dead even is fine, but you may find you prefer the sound to be a little off balance, since you aren’t sitting in the center of your car.
• Once you go through all the settings, listen to them as a whole and decide if you like the sound altogether. If not, readjust and try again.
• The settings you want may be different depending on the type of music you will be listening to. Some stereos will allow you to save different settings to different profiles, such as Rock, Classical, Pop, or Talk. Take advantage of this!

There you go! Your music should now sound fantastic.*

JuJuDeals Staff

*This may not be true if you have bad taste in music.